Saturday, April 21, 2018

MARY ADLER, AUTHOR




Mary Adler is an accomplished author, member of Rave Reviews Book Club and Rave Writer's International Society of Authors. She is a retired teacher and lawyer, now happily retired in northern California where her garden is a habitat for bees, butterflies, and birds.





Karen's touching novel, Davida, is a book filled with love, so I think it's fitting to share a thought about love here on her blog.

A THOUGHT ABOUT LOVE
While rereading David Corbett’s illuminating book, The Art of Character, I was struck by a passage in his discussion of vulnerability that hadn't resonated with me the first time through. 
“But having a strong sense of connection and worthiness does not assure us we will be loved, because love is a gift, not a right. It’s given, not earned.”
Love is given, not earned. 
         That statement took me back to that most bewildering of days—the 
day we received our report cards in grade school. My classmates jumped for joy because they had only gotten one D, or hadn't failed anything, or because they finally had gotten an A. They anticipated rewards and praise from parents who would be happy with their less-than-perfect grades. I didn't realize until I was much older, that their parents loved them for being who they were, and that affection was not based on their academic achievements. It was given, not earned.

                                             
StrongpointLaw.com


We can argue that every living creature has the right to be loved, and they do, but in a real world, the world that isn't fair, too many living beings are not loved---no matter how talented or giving or worthy they are.

We see Corbett's assertion play out in memoirs. The stories of a wife struggling to build a life with a narcissistic husband; or the child vowing that today she will be perfect, and they will love her; or the teenager denying his own uniqueness and struggling to be accepted by a peer group not known for being inclusive.

We recognize this truth in books. When we see a fictional character devoting herself to an abusive man who will never change, we say no, no, don't go there, the way we warn characters in thrillers not to go into the cellar. But in she goes, into a relationship that might destroy her as completely as that monster in the dark.

I believe we love certain mystery series, like Louise Penny's Gamache books, or Fred Vargas' Adamsberg books, because although the continuing characters are realistically flawed and sometimes at odds with each other, in the end they will resolve their differences without ugliness. We can count on it, and that assurance creates an environment that is comforting. For however long we are in those characters' company, we vicariously enjoy the warmth and respect they have for each other, something we might be missing in our own lives.                                                  

                   (wayfair.com)

                 
If love is a gift, we will find it in the company of people who are loving. Obvious, isn’t it? Luckily, those people are easy to recognize, if not always easy to find. 

We know them by the warmth we feel when we are near them, by the way we feel better after seeing them, by the way they include others, find good things to say about them, by their generosity and gentle spirits, and by the support they give to others. (It occurs to me that we have found those people in Rave Reviews Book Club).

The narcissistic parent, the selfish husband, the judgmental friend, the self-promoting authors, will never be one of those people. We can understand people who cannot love, and we can offer them support, but unfortunately, we can't fix them by loving them.


masterfile.com

                                   
Consider the dog--a most loyal, forgiving, and affectionate being. One will be neglected, mistreated, and abandoned, while another will be safe and cared for. They are equally deserving dogs whose lives are dramatically different because one found a loving owner, and one did not.

So find good, giving, generous people whose love is available. And become a loving person, one who loves herself first, and then shares that love with everyone around her. No judgment, no conflict, no negativity---and the rest will take care of itself. Especially if you have a dog.
In my Oliver books, I have recreated my Italian family—improving certain members as I would have liked them to be. When I write, I am in that loving place even if my characters are struggling with conflicts and challenges and narrow escapes from death. I profoundly hope that my readers find a place of community in Point Richmond and the Cafe Avellino, and that they take comfort in knowing that at least there, good will always triumph.
Twitter:  @MAAdlerWrites

11 comments:

  1. Thank you, Karen, for so generously hosting me on your blog. I am honored to be here.

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    1. It has been my pleasure getting acquainted with you on RRBC and RWISA. I am glad that you are posting here on such an important subject: love. Thank you.

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  2. I love this quote:Love is given, not earned. I couldn't think of a better way to say it. How often we try to earn it in life when it isn't there. Insightful post Mary that I will think on it past reading the post. Yes, I have seen the love given in RRBC for sure. Thanks for hosting Karen.

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    1. I also love the quote that love is given, not earned. RRBC is a group of authors and readers who do share love and support. Thanks for your comments, Denise.

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    2. Thank you, Denise. It has taken me a very long time to realize that. Once I had, it became obvious that the goal was finding and valuing people capable of loving and returning that love to them. You are one of those giving people, as is Karen.

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  3. Beautiful topic––love. Great post, Mary! I enjoyed it very much. Thanks for hosting, Karen! <3 xx

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    1. I enjoyed having Mary on my blog this week. Glad you enjoyed the post.

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    2. I am happy you enjoyed the post, Vashti. I knew a man who said he only spent time with people who adored him. "Adoration" may be a bit over the top, but he was a very contented and giving man. Thank you for commenting.

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  4. Wonderful topic, Mary. Living life with love in your heart is a great place to be.

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    1. Mary's post about love was right on target. Thanks for your comment and support, Wendy.

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    2. Thank you, Wendy. I have felt your love in every one of your posts responding to my many requests for help in fulfilling my RWISA secretarial duties. Who knew there were so many things to learn! Thank you for commenting on Karen's beautiful site.

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