Sunday, October 9, 2016

INTERVIEW WITH D.G. KAYE

Interview with D.G. Kaye


               Thank you for inviting me over to your blog today, Karen. I’m thrilled to be here.


Bullying is a prominent problem in our society. Do you have suggestions on how this can be best addressed?

I wish I had the answer to that Karen. When we hear the term bullying, it conjures up visions of children being picked on in schoolyards, but the term unfortunately, applies to many situations. Bullying is rampant in our own homes too, taking on many forms, particularly, emotional verbal bullying, not only physically.
I believe it’s up to us as good citizens to advocate for kindness. I know I do. It doesn’t cost anything to be nice to someone. Nobody wants to have their flaws made fun of and nobody is perfect either. If we’d all just have some empathy and step into the shoes of others, we’d learn how terrible it feels to be bullied. It is often those with no regard for other’s feelings, who have a need to feel superior to others by belittling them. These people need to become aware of their wrongdoings, and I think the least we can all do is advocate by spreading positive messages in our dialogues and writing. If people hear things long enough, they’re likely to consider their actions.

I wrote a book about the role of the father to his son and teaching him how to be a man and a father himself someday. What do you see were the main things you did not learn from your mother?

Now that’s a loaded question. My newest book, P.S. I Forgive You, covers a lot about the things I didn’t get from my mother, but also much insight I did gain because of her shortcomings. I didn’t learn anything about the world. I didn’t learn kindness from her or anything to prepare me for becoming an adult. I wasn’t given any confidence, which left me with a terribly low-to-no self-esteem. I pretty much grew up by trial and error, making my own mistakes and learning from them. I knew, at a young age, that I’d have a lot of learning to do once I left home.

In my life I found the book, The Power of Positive Thinking very helpful in turning my life around. Were there certain books that helped you to turn negative to positive?
Oh yes, but I didn’t start reading those until my early twenties. I grew up without a book in our homes. I loved to read and write. I began writing poems and making cards for people I loved when I was six. I loved school and learning, and can still remember a couple of compassionate teachers I had who gave me encouragement for my achievements, as though they could sense the dysfunction I came from. I read many self-help and spiritually enlightening books. Those books were the beginnings to helping me build a self-esteem. The other big positive in my life was when I met my best friend Zan after I moved out on my own at eighteen. Zan was instrumental in building me back into a ‘normal’, healthy-minded person. She taught me how to stop criticizing myself and how great it felt to be able to tell someone I loved them.

Abusive relationships are too prevalent in our society. What words of advice would you give women who are entering a new relationship? Are there warning signs they need to be alert to?
I have witnessed too much abuse in my lifetime. And I have experienced it myself, so I will speak from my experience. There are plenty of red flags to watch out for when entering, or living in an existing relationship. The most important thing to do is to trust your intuition – it’s never wrong. If you’re someone who isn’t tuned into your own radar alerts, here are just a few important flags to consider: Tempers – Yes, everyone gets angry once in awhile, but trouble flags are people who fly off the handle at insignificant things. There’s an old saying that goes ‘how someone treats a waiter is a good indicator of temperament’. How you are treated is important. If someone belittles you in public, expect it to be worse at home. By the same token, if you’re being belittled at home without an audience, it’s still a major flag. Confidence – If a partner isn’t making you feel confident or doesn’t compliment you or your achievements, this is a problem. Those types of people are often possessive or jealous individuals. And it goes without saying that if someone EVER raises a hand to you, EVEN IF THEY APOLOGIZE, KNOW THAT THIS IS A WARNING OF THINGS TO COME. Healthy relationships require unconditional love to thrive. There is no substitute. If your partner is respectful to your feelings, acknowledges your attributes and achievements, supports you in good times and bad, shares in carrying your load, and never forgets to tell you they love you, they’re a keeper.

Words are very powerful and many of us do not realize it. What are some ways that we can teach our young people or children about this very issue?
Words are powerful and that’s what inspired me to write my book Words We Carry. Often, bad behavior is learned in the home. As children, we are products of our environments. I grew up being made fun of, even in jest, because family members thought they were being funny teasing, but it leaves scars. I believe it’s the responsibility of parents to teach their children not to make fun of people’s flaws and to live that example. Children are like sponges in what they hear and observe. The negative traits we take from childhood grow with us, and if we don’t adapt to better positive teachings, those kids will be no different from where they came. It starts with a good foundation to prepare them for the outside forces they’ll encounter as they grow up. If taught right from wrong at an early age, even if they encounter ‘the wrong crowd’ their consciences will have them at least thinking twice before they attempt to bad behavior.

Who were the authors to whom you give credit to for your growth as a self-assured and successful woman?
Some of the best self-help books I read were from authors: Deborah Tannen, Susan Forward, Laura Davis, Beverly Engel, Doreen Virtue, Louise Hayes, and Deepak Chopra.
Do you have a favorite motto, prayer, or quote that you would like to share?
Absolutely – “Live Laugh Love, and don’t forget to breathe” and “For every kindness, there should be kindness in return. Wouldn’t that just make the world right?”


MY BOOKS:
 Growing up as an emotionally neglected child, tormented with guilt, I was conflicted with the question of whether or not I was to remain obligated to being a faithful daughter, feeling in debt to my narcissistic mother for giving birth to me.




 My first book, Conflicted Hearts is a memoir, written about my journey to seek solace from living with guilt.




Meno-What? A Memoir, was written based on my passage through menopause. In that book, I share humor and wisdom about what women may expect or experience at that unpredictable time. In that book, as well as sharing my experiences of unpredictable times, I also offer up some of my helpful hints for relief.

 Words We Carry  focuses around women’s self-esteem issues, how and why the issues evolve, and how I recognized my own shortcomings, and overcame my own insecurities.



Have Bags, Will Travel is a little travel memoir based on tales and reminiscings from some of my more memorable trips, which all factor in the same ongoing issues for me – too much luggage!




My newest book, P.S. I Forgive You is Book II to Conflicted Hearts, a journey of seeking forgiveness for my narcissistic mother. As her death was approaching, I was forced by conflicting thoughts to reconcile my feelings about my mother and find a way to make peace within myself for my decision to remain estranged, yet find forgiveness for her to send her off with compassion.

P.S. I Forgive You is a sequel to Conflicted Heartsa memoir about my narcissistic mother, and the psychological hold she had on me by instilling guilt and fear when her demands weren’t complied with, and the heartache she bestowed on her loved ones. 
This sequel is a stand alone in its own right. It’s a new journey about discovering and overcoming the narcissists inflictions, and ultimately, learning forgiveness, both for myself and my mother. The story is a completion of a life cycle, the cutting of the cord with all its frayed ends. 

Blurb:
I hurt for her. She wasn’t much of a mother, but she was still my mother.

Confronted with resurfacing feelings of guilt, D.G. Kaye is tormented by her decision to remain estranged from her dying emotionally abusive mother after resolving to banish her years ago, an event she has shared in her book Conflicted Hearts. In P.S. I Forgive You, Kaye takes us on a compelling heartfelt journey as she seeks to understand the roots of her mother’s narcissism, let go of past hurts, and find forgiveness for both her mother and herself.


After struggling for decades to break free, Kaye has severed the unhealthy ties that bound her to her dominating mother—but now Kaye battles new confliction, as the guilt she harbors over her decision only increases as the end of her mother’s life draws near. Kaye once again struggles with her conscience and her feelings of being obligated to return to a painful past she thought she left behind.

   About me:

I'm a nonfiction memoir writer who writes about life, matters of the heart and women's issues. I write to inspire others by sharing my stories about events I encountered, and the lessons that come along with them.

I love to laugh, and self-medicate with a daily dose of humor. When I'm not writing intimate memoirs, you'll find me writing with humor in some of my other works and blog posts.

When I was a young child, I was very observant about my surroundings. Growing up in a tumultuous family life, otherwise known as a broken home, kept me on guard about the on-and-off-going status of my parent's relationship. I often wrote notes and journaled  about the dysfunction that I grew up in. By age seven I was certain I was going to grow up to be a reporter.

Well life has a funny way of taking detours. Instead, I moved away from home at eighteen with a few meager belongings and a curiosity for life. I finished university and changed careers a few times, as I worked my way up to managerial positions. My drive to succeed at anything I put my mind to led me to having a very colorful and eventful life.

Ever the optimist, that is me. I've conquered quite a few battles in life; health and otherwise, and my refusal to accept the word No, or to use the words 'I can't' have kept me on a positive path in life.

I love to tell stories that have lessons in them, and hope to empower others by sharing my own experiences.

I write raw and honest about my own experiences  hoping through my writing, that others can relate and find that there is always a choice to move from a negative space, and look for the positive.

Quotes:
                 “Live Laugh Love . . . And Don’t Forget to Breathe!”

                 “For every kindness, there should be kindness in  return. Wouldn’t that just make the world right?”

When I’m not writing, I’m reading or quite possibly looking after some mundane thing in life. It's also possible I may be on a secret getaway trip, as my passion is traveling.

My favorite reading genres are: biographies, memoirs, books about writing, spirituality, and natural health. I love to read stories about people who overcome adversity, victories, and redemption. I believe we have to keep learning—there is always room for improvement!

I love to cook and concoct new recipes (and I don't believe in measuring cups), travel, and play poker (although I seldom get the chance), oh, and did I mention travel?

Connect with me!

My website:    http://www.dgkayewriter.com
Goodreads:      http://www.goodreads.com/dgkaye
About me:        http://www.wiseintro.co/dgkaye7

Twitter:            http://www.twitter.com/@pokercubster (yes there’s a story)
Linkedin:         http://www.linkedin.com/in/dgkaye7
Facebook:        http://www.facebook.com/dgkaye
Google:            http://www.google.com/+DebbyDGKayeGies
Instagram:        http://www.instagram.com/dgkaye
Pinterest:          http://www.pinterest.com/dgkaye7

Book Links:

P.S. I Forgive You


Thank you so much for inviting me to speak at your blog today, Karen. It’s always wonderful to be given an opportunity to spread some positivity around.



22 comments:

  1. Thanks for sharing such a timely and important Interview. We all need to be aware, and share insights that will assist others to open their eyes and understand that Bullying is unacceptable in ANY form.

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    2. Thank you for reading. It's true that there are many forms of bullying, some people aren't even aware of.

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    3. Trying to get through here...I tried to post a message but failed several times...just to let you know I shared - great article, Debby!

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    4. Suzanna and Mira, thank you both for your comments. Debby is an advocate and supporter for programs or groups that help to eliminate bullying and abuse of any kind. I am grateful for all that she does and writes about.

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    5. Mira, I am sorry that you had difficulty getting to post your message, but am glad that you finally were able to. Thanks for your comment.

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  3. Hi Karen. I want to thank you for having me over here today. Unfortunately, your blog woudn't let me comment here. I've been showing up as 'unknown' with no gravatar. I've deleted my comments twice and finally came up here with my old google page gravatar. Very strange.

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    1. Debby, I am honored that you are my guest this week. I do not always understand when I am denied to post comments on some sites, and then all of a sudden get on. Glad you were able to post your comments.

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    2. Thanks Karen. I've been having trouble lately with WP, and Blogspot has always been a problem for me to comment on. Technical grief none of us need. :)

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  4. Fabulous interview, Debby and Karen! You not only spoke about abuse, but also about how to turn a negative into a positive, leaving us feeling hopeful instead of despairing. Excellent :)

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    1. Thank you for your comment, Tina. Debby writes about abuse and solutions or ways to cope. I am proud to have her as a guest this week.

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    2. Thanks so much Tina for your lovely comment, and for visiting. :)

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  5. OK, just fabulous...

    Now, you need to do an interview for me, too :-)

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    1. Hello Alex! I'm thrilled to see you here! Thank you so much for the compliment and invite! :)

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    2. Alex, any interview with Debby is an honor.

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  7. Love this author and her marvellous books!

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    1. D.G. Kaye is an honest and outspoken advocate for those who have been abused, bullied, or hurt in so many different ways. I am proud to have had it here this week.

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    2. Thank you Christoph. The feeling is so mutual! :)

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    3. Thank you Christoph. The feeling is so mutual! :)

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  8. Thank you Debby for being my guest blogger this past week. It has been a joy to "work" with you. I look forward to having more contact.

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